Sabbatical
“I ran aground in a harbour town, lost the taste for being free. Thank God he sent some gull-chased ship to carry me to sea.”
Bruce Cockburn
I’m going on sabbatical! On January 1st I will begin a three month sabbatical from my work as the pastor of First Presbyterian Church, White Bear Lake. I’ve thought about this moment for a long time and after thirteen years and eight months of ministry it’s time for a break.
It’s not that I’m tired of the church, on the contrary I love the church. It’s not that I want to get away from the people, I may be an introvert, but I love the people at our church. It’s not that I deserve this, I don’t. It’s that I need the space to step away from the expectations and pressure of ministry (Sundays come around very quickly) and slow down, allowing myself to reconnect with God and the beauty of this world that God created.
Over the last few years ministry has been challenging and there have been moments when I felt like the prophet Elijah. Elijah sees the power of God at work on Mount Carmel as he challenges the prophets of Baal (1 Kings 18), but then finds himself in hiding and feeling like he is the only one left who sought to follow God. In that moment God was quick to remind him that there were thousands of others who continued to stand for the truth. In that vein I am grateful for my small group of colleagues that I meet with once a month and my good friend Buck who, until his retirement, I met weekly. I also appreciate the voices of Christian leaders I have never met who continue to keep the gospel and God’s kingdom front and centre in their lives, Beth Moore, Tim Keller, David French, Phil Vischer, Russell Moore, and others. All people who remind me that there is still great hope for the church in spite of the culture wars that so many want to engage in.
I’m tired. I’ve arrived at a point where I easily lack empathy, compassion, and grace for any Christian who won’t accept that racism is a systemic issue; who buys into Christian Nationalism; who still thinks Trump was a good choice for President; who lacks empathy for immigrants. I’ve pretty much had it and that’s not a good thing. I’ve a really short fuse on these issues at the moment and I need grace. I need a sabbatical to allow myself time to settle and receive the grace I need in order to show it to others. You can’t love your neighbour let alone your enemy without grace. I need a restoration of grace.
A sabbatical creates space to breathe. To renew. To revive. It is a life giving space where I can drink deeply from the well of life. and I am looking forward to stepping into that space a few days from now.
Breathe, one breath at a time. Inhale … exhale. Repeat. Relax. Connect. Restore. Rejuvenate.